Okey dokey
So just over a week ago, I went to an audition for a dance company called Urbanity. They were auditioning people for three different things. 1. the paying company itself. 2. A non-paying group called Urbanity Underground which is the next best thing next to the company, and 3. an apprenticeship for dancers 16-21 y/o. Well, two days ago, I got an Email asking me to join Urbanity Underground!!!!! According to their website, they choose 1 in 5 dancers for this program. there were about 42 dancers at the audition and I am one of the dancers that they chose for UU. I'm very excited however there is a slight catch. In order to obtain all of the specialities that come with this program, there is a $58 monthly fee. That wouldn't be a problem if I already had a job! BUT I don't. see my problem?
Well, today I got a phone call from this "magical gift shop" that I applied to asking me to set up an interview. I didn't know the number so I didn't answer it and they left me a message saying that I need to call either tomorrow or Thursday to set up the interview on either Friday or Monday. ALSO, about a week ago, I went to the bar with some friends and ran into a girl I went to High school with who is the Head Hostess at a rather nice restaurant about 20 min from me. She said that she's in charge of the hiring-firing of Hosts and Hostesses there and that if I'm looking for a job that I should hit her up. I doubt it will pay A LOT but it's money and that's seriously what I need in order for my plan to move out of my parents house to start.
I have this plan that in a years time, I will be living in my own place, have a "job" either performing, or being able to perform with a paying job on the side, and hopefully be in Boston. Basically, getting my life together now that I'm a college graduate. So far, the performance opportunity has been presented to me and I have a few job prospects. I feel bad because my parents have SERIOUSLY been up my A$$ and all I do is yell at them. I know they're just trying to help, but what I think they forget is that I'm not just their child anymore. I'm an adult and that if I need help, I will ask for it. I know that's sounds kind of dickish but it's the truth. They act like I'm not aware that sitting at home doing nothing and having nowhere to be is unacceptable. The last thing I want to do is sit around on my ass with nothing to do and nowhere to go.
I've also come to the realization that when it comes to relationships, I'm TERRIBLE. I want to be in one and have that lovey dovey stuff, but the second I get that, I want to be alone and be able to do my own thing and it's completly understandable right? I mean after all, I am only 22 years old ( in 6 days.) I don't NEED to be in a relationship right now, especially since I don't have anything to offer just yet. I have no job and no money to even DO anything with. Honestly, I think/ I KNOW my biggest problem is that I have NO motivation. My parents yelling at me and me wanting to get the f*ck away from them is not all together enough. This is literally the hardest life transition I've ever had to face. I've been a student for so long that I don't know how to be anything else but unfortunatly, I don't have any other choice. I hate being as unorganized as I am. I wish that I was OCD and had a set list of what I need to do everyday of my life.
Actually, the more I'm writing this down and thinking about it, the more I'm comming to the realization that because I didn't come home from school and get a job immediatly, I've become accustomed to being lazy and not having a life. This is my life and who I am right now is NOT who I want to be. (inspired by Switchfoot) "Yesterday is dead and over." There is no more yesterday, it's just a memory and if all I do is think about what I did as opposed to what I'm about to and going to do, then I'm inhibiting myself and I have only myself to blame for a lack of success and busyness. It's up to me to continue to exist, otherwise I'm just gonna continue to sit on my ass, watch "Wizards of Waverly Place" and get fat. That is, of course, if my parents don't kick me out. OK then!
Rather than continue bitching and feeling sorry for myself, I'm gonna sign off now, get my shit together and go to the gym. If the membership is already paid for, I might as well use it. Don't let her see this but, my mother was right. It will at least give me something to do to leave the house. Ugh I hate it when she's right.
Hasta for now!
