Ambition: I want to Perform (sing, dance, act) in a Musical Theater production every night and go home to my own beautifuly furbished apartment.
Bad Habit: I procrastinate the HELL out of stuff
City: Born in Bridgewater, MA. Lived in Brockton, MA till age of 6. Moved to Dennis, MA and lived there for 16 years. Lived in Franklin, MA for college. Want to live in California, NYC, Boston at somepoint in my life. Want to travel to the world.
Drink: Apple Juice. Loved it since I was born.
Education: Bachelor of Arts Degree in Dance from Dean College
Food: Velveeta Mac and Cheese, Cool Ranch Doritos. WEAKNESS
Guilty Pleasure: Television, when I have time for it.
Hometown: Dennis, MA on good ol' Cape Cod. Lived there for MAJORITY of my life
Ice Cream: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Chunky Monkey, Amercone Dream
Jonesing For: money
Kryptonite: the internet
Shit that brings me down: Ignorance
Look-A-Like: apparently I look like Demetri Martin but with a smaller nose.
Movie: Practical Magic (I'm so lame)
Nickname: DJ, Deej, Didje, D
Obsession: Performing
Perfume/Cologne: Coolwater is my favorite, but I like a lot of different kinds
Quirk: I touch the tip of my nose rather often, and I look at an imaginary watch also
Regret: no regrets, Mistakes were DEFINATLY made, but I like to think that I try to learn from my mistakes.
Starbucks: Skinny Iced Caramel Machiatto. But I'd rather Dunkin Donuts.
Thrift Find of the Year: I'm not THAT gay
University: ummm Already said..... Dean College
Vacation: Disney World... Always and everytime
Wine: Riesling or a white zinfindel
X: marks the spot?
Years: 22 (still weird)
Zen: Karma SERIOUSLY is a bitch. Watch what you say and do, because it will come back and bite you. Do what you will, but harm none!!
Monday, October 3, 2011
"Entering ADULTHOOD in point zero miles"
So going to College prepares you for training in what you want to do with your career. However, there is no course on how to become an Adult. How to deal with relationship games and how to recover from them. How to WISELY spend and save your money. Life after school is never what you hoped or expected it to be. It sucks actually. At first, that is. I think that coming to the realization that you don't have a clue what you're doing, is the first step. The second step, I'll let you know when I figure it out.
Going back to the visit and see a performance at the college I went to was fun. However, being there for more than a twenty-four hours made me realize, I don't belong there anymore. My time there came and went and it TRULY is time for me to move on with my life. Find a relationship with myself and with others that simply makes me feel better about myself and my life. Negativity really has no place in my life. I'm still very young, being only twenty-two years old. (weird) But foolish mind games and procrastination has no place in an adult mind/life. It's time to grow up and be around other Adults. I'm no longer a college kid. I'm a College Graduate and slowly but surely, becoming an "Adult."
When I think of the phrase, "coming of age," I think of teenagers entering into that "Adult feeling." Recent implementations have allowed me to come to the conclusion that "coming of age" is at the point, when you completely realize that you are no longer in any form of "childhood" or heading INTO "adulthood." It's when you are in the drivers seat, have already passed the "Welcome to Adulthood" sign and are now one of the integral components in the abounding population.
To quote Eric Mathews from Boy Meets World, "Life sucks. Get a helmet."
...And with that, I take my leave.
Going back to the visit and see a performance at the college I went to was fun. However, being there for more than a twenty-four hours made me realize, I don't belong there anymore. My time there came and went and it TRULY is time for me to move on with my life. Find a relationship with myself and with others that simply makes me feel better about myself and my life. Negativity really has no place in my life. I'm still very young, being only twenty-two years old. (weird) But foolish mind games and procrastination has no place in an adult mind/life. It's time to grow up and be around other Adults. I'm no longer a college kid. I'm a College Graduate and slowly but surely, becoming an "Adult."
When I think of the phrase, "coming of age," I think of teenagers entering into that "Adult feeling." Recent implementations have allowed me to come to the conclusion that "coming of age" is at the point, when you completely realize that you are no longer in any form of "childhood" or heading INTO "adulthood." It's when you are in the drivers seat, have already passed the "Welcome to Adulthood" sign and are now one of the integral components in the abounding population.
To quote Eric Mathews from Boy Meets World, "Life sucks. Get a helmet."
...And with that, I take my leave.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Life, Easier said than done.
L- Learn from your mistakes. They are inevitable and will happen so take there lessons and apply it.
I- Ignore what people say or think about you. Yes people will judge you, but as long as YOU are happy with yourself, YOU feel beautiful, YOU can smile everyday, say, "I Love myself" everyday and mean it, Nothing else matters.
F- Feel for others. YOU should be your number one priority, but never lose sight of the people around you and what they do for you. It's because of them that you are who you are.
E- Eat. Whatever. You. Want. Stay healthy and exercise regularly, but never feel guilty about a craving.
LIFE- if only it were that simple.
It's so weird not being at school. I recently got a twitter (@DJKostka1) and this morning I tweeted, "This day and time last year, I was productive and sweating in a Nai class. Now I'm laying in bed thinking about what to do with my life..." it's weird not being in school. Not having a set schedule or somewhere that I HAVE to be. It also sucks even more that I don't really have a job anymore. I did... and apparently what my boss was looking for was someone to fill a management position. Apparently she saw that in me during my interview, but when working there 3 separate times, she decided that I wasn't quite right for the position. (wa waaa) SO, now I'm hunting for a new job. However, that's not as simple as I was hoping it would be.
I've been rather sad lately. I'm going through that transition of no longer being a college student. Of needing to become an adult. It's kind of a depression. Well, I've successfully completed the first step right? Admitting I have a problem? OK.... well now what?
I've had a one year plan since Graduation.
1. Get a Job
2. Save as much Money as I can.
3. Move out of my Parents house/ get my own apartment.
4. Dance/ continue doing what I love.
Only down side is that I've recently realized something else needs to be factored in, College bills. That changes the plans a bit.
I don't know what I really want anymore. I thought for the longest time that I knew EXACTLY what I wanted... and recently, that all changed. I want to dance. I want my own place. I want to perform. I want to have a set schedule. I want to be on my own. But I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of making plans that don't follow through. I'm tired of wanting what I can't have. I'm really just tired.
Inspiration is a hard thing to come by and I could seriously use a swift kick, push, shove, step in the right direction. I understand that life is hard. But can't something just be easy for once? Just one time? That's all I ask...
I'll let you know if that happens ever...
I- Ignore what people say or think about you. Yes people will judge you, but as long as YOU are happy with yourself, YOU feel beautiful, YOU can smile everyday, say, "I Love myself" everyday and mean it, Nothing else matters.
F- Feel for others. YOU should be your number one priority, but never lose sight of the people around you and what they do for you. It's because of them that you are who you are.
E- Eat. Whatever. You. Want. Stay healthy and exercise regularly, but never feel guilty about a craving.
LIFE- if only it were that simple.
It's so weird not being at school. I recently got a twitter (@DJKostka1) and this morning I tweeted, "This day and time last year, I was productive and sweating in a Nai class. Now I'm laying in bed thinking about what to do with my life..." it's weird not being in school. Not having a set schedule or somewhere that I HAVE to be. It also sucks even more that I don't really have a job anymore. I did... and apparently what my boss was looking for was someone to fill a management position. Apparently she saw that in me during my interview, but when working there 3 separate times, she decided that I wasn't quite right for the position. (wa waaa) SO, now I'm hunting for a new job. However, that's not as simple as I was hoping it would be.
I've been rather sad lately. I'm going through that transition of no longer being a college student. Of needing to become an adult. It's kind of a depression. Well, I've successfully completed the first step right? Admitting I have a problem? OK.... well now what?
I've had a one year plan since Graduation.
1. Get a Job
2. Save as much Money as I can.
3. Move out of my Parents house/ get my own apartment.
4. Dance/ continue doing what I love.
Only down side is that I've recently realized something else needs to be factored in, College bills. That changes the plans a bit.
I don't know what I really want anymore. I thought for the longest time that I knew EXACTLY what I wanted... and recently, that all changed. I want to dance. I want my own place. I want to perform. I want to have a set schedule. I want to be on my own. But I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of making plans that don't follow through. I'm tired of wanting what I can't have. I'm really just tired.
Inspiration is a hard thing to come by and I could seriously use a swift kick, push, shove, step in the right direction. I understand that life is hard. But can't something just be easy for once? Just one time? That's all I ask...
I'll let you know if that happens ever...
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
talking in circles to get inspired...
Okey dokey
So just over a week ago, I went to an audition for a dance company called Urbanity. They were auditioning people for three different things. 1. the paying company itself. 2. A non-paying group called Urbanity Underground which is the next best thing next to the company, and 3. an apprenticeship for dancers 16-21 y/o. Well, two days ago, I got an Email asking me to join Urbanity Underground!!!!! According to their website, they choose 1 in 5 dancers for this program. there were about 42 dancers at the audition and I am one of the dancers that they chose for UU. I'm very excited however there is a slight catch. In order to obtain all of the specialities that come with this program, there is a $58 monthly fee. That wouldn't be a problem if I already had a job! BUT I don't. see my problem?
Well, today I got a phone call from this "magical gift shop" that I applied to asking me to set up an interview. I didn't know the number so I didn't answer it and they left me a message saying that I need to call either tomorrow or Thursday to set up the interview on either Friday or Monday. ALSO, about a week ago, I went to the bar with some friends and ran into a girl I went to High school with who is the Head Hostess at a rather nice restaurant about 20 min from me. She said that she's in charge of the hiring-firing of Hosts and Hostesses there and that if I'm looking for a job that I should hit her up. I doubt it will pay A LOT but it's money and that's seriously what I need in order for my plan to move out of my parents house to start.
I have this plan that in a years time, I will be living in my own place, have a "job" either performing, or being able to perform with a paying job on the side, and hopefully be in Boston. Basically, getting my life together now that I'm a college graduate. So far, the performance opportunity has been presented to me and I have a few job prospects. I feel bad because my parents have SERIOUSLY been up my A$$ and all I do is yell at them. I know they're just trying to help, but what I think they forget is that I'm not just their child anymore. I'm an adult and that if I need help, I will ask for it. I know that's sounds kind of dickish but it's the truth. They act like I'm not aware that sitting at home doing nothing and having nowhere to be is unacceptable. The last thing I want to do is sit around on my ass with nothing to do and nowhere to go.
I've also come to the realization that when it comes to relationships, I'm TERRIBLE. I want to be in one and have that lovey dovey stuff, but the second I get that, I want to be alone and be able to do my own thing and it's completly understandable right? I mean after all, I am only 22 years old ( in 6 days.) I don't NEED to be in a relationship right now, especially since I don't have anything to offer just yet. I have no job and no money to even DO anything with. Honestly, I think/ I KNOW my biggest problem is that I have NO motivation. My parents yelling at me and me wanting to get the f*ck away from them is not all together enough. This is literally the hardest life transition I've ever had to face. I've been a student for so long that I don't know how to be anything else but unfortunatly, I don't have any other choice. I hate being as unorganized as I am. I wish that I was OCD and had a set list of what I need to do everyday of my life.
Actually, the more I'm writing this down and thinking about it, the more I'm comming to the realization that because I didn't come home from school and get a job immediatly, I've become accustomed to being lazy and not having a life. This is my life and who I am right now is NOT who I want to be. (inspired by Switchfoot) "Yesterday is dead and over." There is no more yesterday, it's just a memory and if all I do is think about what I did as opposed to what I'm about to and going to do, then I'm inhibiting myself and I have only myself to blame for a lack of success and busyness. It's up to me to continue to exist, otherwise I'm just gonna continue to sit on my ass, watch "Wizards of Waverly Place" and get fat. That is, of course, if my parents don't kick me out. OK then!
Rather than continue bitching and feeling sorry for myself, I'm gonna sign off now, get my shit together and go to the gym. If the membership is already paid for, I might as well use it. Don't let her see this but, my mother was right. It will at least give me something to do to leave the house. Ugh I hate it when she's right.
Hasta for now!
So just over a week ago, I went to an audition for a dance company called Urbanity. They were auditioning people for three different things. 1. the paying company itself. 2. A non-paying group called Urbanity Underground which is the next best thing next to the company, and 3. an apprenticeship for dancers 16-21 y/o. Well, two days ago, I got an Email asking me to join Urbanity Underground!!!!! According to their website, they choose 1 in 5 dancers for this program. there were about 42 dancers at the audition and I am one of the dancers that they chose for UU. I'm very excited however there is a slight catch. In order to obtain all of the specialities that come with this program, there is a $58 monthly fee. That wouldn't be a problem if I already had a job! BUT I don't. see my problem?
Well, today I got a phone call from this "magical gift shop" that I applied to asking me to set up an interview. I didn't know the number so I didn't answer it and they left me a message saying that I need to call either tomorrow or Thursday to set up the interview on either Friday or Monday. ALSO, about a week ago, I went to the bar with some friends and ran into a girl I went to High school with who is the Head Hostess at a rather nice restaurant about 20 min from me. She said that she's in charge of the hiring-firing of Hosts and Hostesses there and that if I'm looking for a job that I should hit her up. I doubt it will pay A LOT but it's money and that's seriously what I need in order for my plan to move out of my parents house to start.
I have this plan that in a years time, I will be living in my own place, have a "job" either performing, or being able to perform with a paying job on the side, and hopefully be in Boston. Basically, getting my life together now that I'm a college graduate. So far, the performance opportunity has been presented to me and I have a few job prospects. I feel bad because my parents have SERIOUSLY been up my A$$ and all I do is yell at them. I know they're just trying to help, but what I think they forget is that I'm not just their child anymore. I'm an adult and that if I need help, I will ask for it. I know that's sounds kind of dickish but it's the truth. They act like I'm not aware that sitting at home doing nothing and having nowhere to be is unacceptable. The last thing I want to do is sit around on my ass with nothing to do and nowhere to go.
I've also come to the realization that when it comes to relationships, I'm TERRIBLE. I want to be in one and have that lovey dovey stuff, but the second I get that, I want to be alone and be able to do my own thing and it's completly understandable right? I mean after all, I am only 22 years old ( in 6 days.) I don't NEED to be in a relationship right now, especially since I don't have anything to offer just yet. I have no job and no money to even DO anything with. Honestly, I think/ I KNOW my biggest problem is that I have NO motivation. My parents yelling at me and me wanting to get the f*ck away from them is not all together enough. This is literally the hardest life transition I've ever had to face. I've been a student for so long that I don't know how to be anything else but unfortunatly, I don't have any other choice. I hate being as unorganized as I am. I wish that I was OCD and had a set list of what I need to do everyday of my life.
Actually, the more I'm writing this down and thinking about it, the more I'm comming to the realization that because I didn't come home from school and get a job immediatly, I've become accustomed to being lazy and not having a life. This is my life and who I am right now is NOT who I want to be. (inspired by Switchfoot) "Yesterday is dead and over." There is no more yesterday, it's just a memory and if all I do is think about what I did as opposed to what I'm about to and going to do, then I'm inhibiting myself and I have only myself to blame for a lack of success and busyness. It's up to me to continue to exist, otherwise I'm just gonna continue to sit on my ass, watch "Wizards of Waverly Place" and get fat. That is, of course, if my parents don't kick me out. OK then!
Rather than continue bitching and feeling sorry for myself, I'm gonna sign off now, get my shit together and go to the gym. If the membership is already paid for, I might as well use it. Don't let her see this but, my mother was right. It will at least give me something to do to leave the house. Ugh I hate it when she's right.
Hasta for now!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Catching Up With DJ
Hey there!
So I haven't written in a while so I'll catch you up.
The last time I wrote, I had just returned from New York. Well since then, I was in the Dennis Rec. Program Dance Recital as a guest artist. I did a "Vogue/hip hop" number to "Blow" by Ke$ha. It went rather well I'd say. I don't think the audience QUITE knew how to take it. It's one thing to see on "So You Think You Can Dance" but a complete other thing to see live on stage on Cape Cod for that matter. I had rave review about it though so that's cool! It was fun!
Well after that, I just kinda had been focusing on being on the South Beach Diet with my Mom. My starting weight (I'm not ashamed to admit) was 200lbs. I was having the hardest time getting under 200. The first phase of South Beach is to cut out carbs and fruit and dairy and stuff. It's a complete DETOX!!! It sucked! I was hangry for 90% of that time period. However I dropped a lot of weight! I'm currently in the upper 180's which I haven't actually seen I don't think since I was a Freshman in College maybe even in High school!!! I'm now in Phase 2 and am working towards getting to 175! Once I hit my "Goal Weight" I can enter phase 3 once I hit that goal weight. At least in phase 2, I can have fruit and Yogurt and shtuff again. That was the hardest part. not having it I mean.
Well. ANYWHODLE! off that subject! I recently went to New York again for another Disney Audition. I didn't get the job or even a call back! I don't understand WHAT it was that they were looking for that day, but I was def. better than almost ALL of the guys in my group and I still got cut! Whatever! I don't really wanna talk about that again. That same night of the audition however, a friend of mine took me to Times Square and we went to see A Normal Heart, the new Broadway play that won a couple awards. It was AMAZING!!! and that, my friends, is an understatement! Conveniently that same weekend I went to New York, was Pride Weekend. I honestly had NO idea! Also New York FINALLY legalized Gay Marriage. I was at Second on Second singing Karaoke for the first time when I got a text from a friend of mine telling me the great news!!!! It was a great weekend! Apart from what I did out and about in the city, I had been thinking a lot, about pretty much everything. Where I 'm going with my life, where I wanna move, how do I get the funds to do what I want to do, etc...
To be honest, I'm still thinking about all of those things and I'm getting closer to my decisions. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm much closer.
When I got home from New York, I just slept in and hung around the house. The following evening, I received a text from my friend, Chris, asking me if I wanted to be an extra in Adam Sandler's new movie. I WAS SOOO DOWN!!! I'd never done extra work before and was all for it! I drove to Franklin that night and stayed with Chris while shooting. There were 8 of us going up to work on the movie. The first day (Wednesday) was LONG. We arrived at 11am. Our call wasn't until 12:30pm but w/e we were there early and just hung out in the Extras holding room. We met some other guys that were pretty chill and hung out with them for several hours. One of the guys from our group ended up being picked to go to the set in the mid afternoon. We were all stoked for him but were of course jealous that he got picked and the rest of us had to just wait around some more. At around 11pm, the whole lot of us got picked in a group to go down to the set. We were waiting outside, when one of the crew members came out and picked ME and one of the guys we made friends with, to go inside and have an "entrance" into the club. We were there until like 3am which was AWESOME! The next day (Thursday) I had to go back before all the rest of the guys in my group to finish shooting from the night before. I was having soooooooo much fun, I couldn't even handle it! Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Ciara, Will Forte, Milo Ventimaglia.... Just SOME of the people I saw while there. By the end of the second day, I found out that all of the other guys were no longer needed and that I had to come back on Friday to Finish shooting!!!!! Friday I was there from about 1:30pm- 6am the next morning!! It was a LONG day, but I loved every second of it!!! I didn't get a SAG waver but it's really ok because I had such a great experience!!!
I'm making a to DO list of what I need to do by this time next year. Lets hope that I can figure it all out and get started on the rest of my life! Here's hoping!
So I haven't written in a while so I'll catch you up.
The last time I wrote, I had just returned from New York. Well since then, I was in the Dennis Rec. Program Dance Recital as a guest artist. I did a "Vogue/hip hop" number to "Blow" by Ke$ha. It went rather well I'd say. I don't think the audience QUITE knew how to take it. It's one thing to see on "So You Think You Can Dance" but a complete other thing to see live on stage on Cape Cod for that matter. I had rave review about it though so that's cool! It was fun!
Well after that, I just kinda had been focusing on being on the South Beach Diet with my Mom. My starting weight (I'm not ashamed to admit) was 200lbs. I was having the hardest time getting under 200. The first phase of South Beach is to cut out carbs and fruit and dairy and stuff. It's a complete DETOX!!! It sucked! I was hangry for 90% of that time period. However I dropped a lot of weight! I'm currently in the upper 180's which I haven't actually seen I don't think since I was a Freshman in College maybe even in High school!!! I'm now in Phase 2 and am working towards getting to 175! Once I hit my "Goal Weight" I can enter phase 3 once I hit that goal weight. At least in phase 2, I can have fruit and Yogurt and shtuff again. That was the hardest part. not having it I mean.
Well. ANYWHODLE! off that subject! I recently went to New York again for another Disney Audition. I didn't get the job or even a call back! I don't understand WHAT it was that they were looking for that day, but I was def. better than almost ALL of the guys in my group and I still got cut! Whatever! I don't really wanna talk about that again. That same night of the audition however, a friend of mine took me to Times Square and we went to see A Normal Heart, the new Broadway play that won a couple awards. It was AMAZING!!! and that, my friends, is an understatement! Conveniently that same weekend I went to New York, was Pride Weekend. I honestly had NO idea! Also New York FINALLY legalized Gay Marriage. I was at Second on Second singing Karaoke for the first time when I got a text from a friend of mine telling me the great news!!!! It was a great weekend! Apart from what I did out and about in the city, I had been thinking a lot, about pretty much everything. Where I 'm going with my life, where I wanna move, how do I get the funds to do what I want to do, etc...
To be honest, I'm still thinking about all of those things and I'm getting closer to my decisions. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm much closer.
When I got home from New York, I just slept in and hung around the house. The following evening, I received a text from my friend, Chris, asking me if I wanted to be an extra in Adam Sandler's new movie. I WAS SOOO DOWN!!! I'd never done extra work before and was all for it! I drove to Franklin that night and stayed with Chris while shooting. There were 8 of us going up to work on the movie. The first day (Wednesday) was LONG. We arrived at 11am. Our call wasn't until 12:30pm but w/e we were there early and just hung out in the Extras holding room. We met some other guys that were pretty chill and hung out with them for several hours. One of the guys from our group ended up being picked to go to the set in the mid afternoon. We were all stoked for him but were of course jealous that he got picked and the rest of us had to just wait around some more. At around 11pm, the whole lot of us got picked in a group to go down to the set. We were waiting outside, when one of the crew members came out and picked ME and one of the guys we made friends with, to go inside and have an "entrance" into the club. We were there until like 3am which was AWESOME! The next day (Thursday) I had to go back before all the rest of the guys in my group to finish shooting from the night before. I was having soooooooo much fun, I couldn't even handle it! Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Ciara, Will Forte, Milo Ventimaglia.... Just SOME of the people I saw while there. By the end of the second day, I found out that all of the other guys were no longer needed and that I had to come back on Friday to Finish shooting!!!!! Friday I was there from about 1:30pm- 6am the next morning!! It was a LONG day, but I loved every second of it!!! I didn't get a SAG waver but it's really ok because I had such a great experience!!!
I'm making a to DO list of what I need to do by this time next year. Lets hope that I can figure it all out and get started on the rest of my life! Here's hoping!
Friday, May 27, 2011
New York, New York, it's a wonderful town!!!!!
Okey dokey....
So I just went to NYC and have come to the realization that that's where I need to be. Just walking around in the city, going to auditions, amazing restaurants, etc... It just felt like home. It felt so right.
I left Cape Cod on Sunday morning and caught the Peter Pan bus in Hyannis. My mother had just given me Water For Elephants to read (it's seriously amazing btw! I recommend to all!!!) So i jammed to some music blasting from my iPod in my head and read the whole way down. Upon arrival, my friend Amanda picked me up and we went back to her apartment on Waverly Place (favorite Disney show) where I was to stay for a couple nights and drop my bags off. We also changed and headed for Brooklyn for our friend Julie's graduation party. The party was a lot of fun filled with good food, a LOT of Sangria and Mojitos, and some pretty awesome people that I can now claim as my friends. There was also a guy that I was introduced to named Graham. (can we say Cute!?!? I think so!) He and I were pretty much inseparable for a MAJORITY of the night. I'll leave it at that. HAHA! ANYWHODLE.... the end of the night rolled around and we were saying our goodbyes to our lovely hosts (Julie and her bf Bobby) and when I turned around I saw Graham in the elevator and the door close. I got kind of upset thinking that I wasn't gonna see him again (ilogically) and that I also never got to say goodbye. A few min. later we left, and once outside I texted Julie, BEGGING for his number, upon which I received no response. We got back to Amanda's apartment and full on CRASHED!!!
The next morning, while Amanda and I were trying to figure out what to do for the day, I received a facebook message on my phone from Graham saying that he was sorry he left without saying goodbye and wanted to know when I was leaving so we could meet up and he could do it in person. AHHH!!!!!!! :-) Me, being beyond excited, came to the conclusion that I was gonna stay and extra night and leave on Wednesday instead and gave him that information along with my number in my response. He the texted me a few hours later from work and asked me if I would wanna grab dinner with him Tuesday night. umm.....DUH!!! Who knew that I would go to New York for a party and an audition and also get a date!? NOT ME! The rest of the day consisted of a lunch and dinner date with Amanda where we then went back to her place and watched Center Stage before bed. So inspirational. haha
Tuesday came and I had a dance audition for Disney Cruise Lines. I was there early and ran into some friends from Dean. When we were called, I went in and kicked the shit out of the SIMPLE ballet combo they gave us. Was DEF. one of, if not the best guy in there. And then they called the names of the people they were gonna keep for the call back. My name wasn't on the list..... hmmmm......did I temporarily go deaf? Nope. Looking at some of the guys that they did keep (who were TERRIBLE btw) their faces, and hair, and bodies, and EVERYTHING about them just screamed DISNEY. I was unaware that Prince Eric actually existed. Whatever, I clearly just didn't have what they were looking for this time around. We were then told that there are auditions in a month (June 23) for the Disney Holiday Dancers at the Disney Parks. That being said, see you in a month NYC!
After the audition, I went and got some coffee at starbucks with the girls from school I ran into. Good times. Then headed back to Amanda's where we then played dress-up for my date. Graham called and said he was on his way. He picked me up and we had a beer with Amanda before we left. We then went to a bar and he bought me a couple of beers. After a lot of talking, ;-) we went to grab some food from this vegitarian resautrant with Fallafel. I'm a carnivor and really love my meat. I tried as hard as I could to eat the salad and got pretty far, however, I totaly was proving how much I like him by doing at least that. haha it doesn't sound like much but believe me it was! I was able to convince him to come back and hang out at Amanda's for a little while. we went back and had another beer and watched some "Arrested Development" (funny show). I walked him to the elevator after a little while and about 20 min later, went back into Amanda's and collapsed onto the fouton with a HUGE smile on my face.
The next morning, we got up and rushed me over to the bus station where I was able to catch the last bus back to the Cape. Being on the bus more no less than 5 min. and I realized that I need to live in NYC as SOON as possible. Got back to the Cape about two hours after I anticipated, along with the bus bringing me to the wrong stop in Hyannis. Sure enough my phone was dead and I was flipping out about how I was supposed to get in contact with my family to come pick me up. Some random taxi driver offered me his phone where I was then able to call my sister and have her come to the other stop. A taco bell/KFC trip later, I was back to my parents house and about ready to pass out but just couldn't for possible fear that the trip/date would have all just been a dream. Getting a text from Graham asking if I got home alright made me realize that it was no dream at all. :-) Watching the Glee episode I had missed the previous night on DVR, they were at Nationals in where else but..... NYC. lol Of course.
I need to get my butt back to New York City as soon as possible and move there if I don't get my next audition. There's this Recreation Program recital comming up where I've been asked to be a guest artist and perform a little "Hip Hop" solo. FUNNY cause I'm not a Hip Hop dancer. I'm a Contemporary/ Broadway Jazz dancer. I'm dancing to "Blow" by Ke$ha and today I showed what I have so far to the main director who seemed to love it. I need to get to a studio and practice though. You can only dance in your living room for so long before you realize that you need more space to do it full out.
Well now you're caught up. New York is where I need to be, and thankfully I'll be back there in about a month, and for more than one reason. :-D Not just to try and make a career for myself, but for a very special someone that has now entered my life. :-D Hasta for now and remember...
"Do what you do!!!" ~my catch phrase.
So I just went to NYC and have come to the realization that that's where I need to be. Just walking around in the city, going to auditions, amazing restaurants, etc... It just felt like home. It felt so right.
I left Cape Cod on Sunday morning and caught the Peter Pan bus in Hyannis. My mother had just given me Water For Elephants to read (it's seriously amazing btw! I recommend to all!!!) So i jammed to some music blasting from my iPod in my head and read the whole way down. Upon arrival, my friend Amanda picked me up and we went back to her apartment on Waverly Place (favorite Disney show) where I was to stay for a couple nights and drop my bags off. We also changed and headed for Brooklyn for our friend Julie's graduation party. The party was a lot of fun filled with good food, a LOT of Sangria and Mojitos, and some pretty awesome people that I can now claim as my friends. There was also a guy that I was introduced to named Graham. (can we say Cute!?!? I think so!) He and I were pretty much inseparable for a MAJORITY of the night. I'll leave it at that. HAHA! ANYWHODLE.... the end of the night rolled around and we were saying our goodbyes to our lovely hosts (Julie and her bf Bobby) and when I turned around I saw Graham in the elevator and the door close. I got kind of upset thinking that I wasn't gonna see him again (ilogically) and that I also never got to say goodbye. A few min. later we left, and once outside I texted Julie, BEGGING for his number, upon which I received no response. We got back to Amanda's apartment and full on CRASHED!!!
The next morning, while Amanda and I were trying to figure out what to do for the day, I received a facebook message on my phone from Graham saying that he was sorry he left without saying goodbye and wanted to know when I was leaving so we could meet up and he could do it in person. AHHH!!!!!!! :-) Me, being beyond excited, came to the conclusion that I was gonna stay and extra night and leave on Wednesday instead and gave him that information along with my number in my response. He the texted me a few hours later from work and asked me if I would wanna grab dinner with him Tuesday night. umm.....DUH!!! Who knew that I would go to New York for a party and an audition and also get a date!? NOT ME! The rest of the day consisted of a lunch and dinner date with Amanda where we then went back to her place and watched Center Stage before bed. So inspirational. haha
Tuesday came and I had a dance audition for Disney Cruise Lines. I was there early and ran into some friends from Dean. When we were called, I went in and kicked the shit out of the SIMPLE ballet combo they gave us. Was DEF. one of, if not the best guy in there. And then they called the names of the people they were gonna keep for the call back. My name wasn't on the list..... hmmmm......did I temporarily go deaf? Nope. Looking at some of the guys that they did keep (who were TERRIBLE btw) their faces, and hair, and bodies, and EVERYTHING about them just screamed DISNEY. I was unaware that Prince Eric actually existed. Whatever, I clearly just didn't have what they were looking for this time around. We were then told that there are auditions in a month (June 23) for the Disney Holiday Dancers at the Disney Parks. That being said, see you in a month NYC!
After the audition, I went and got some coffee at starbucks with the girls from school I ran into. Good times. Then headed back to Amanda's where we then played dress-up for my date. Graham called and said he was on his way. He picked me up and we had a beer with Amanda before we left. We then went to a bar and he bought me a couple of beers. After a lot of talking, ;-) we went to grab some food from this vegitarian resautrant with Fallafel. I'm a carnivor and really love my meat. I tried as hard as I could to eat the salad and got pretty far, however, I totaly was proving how much I like him by doing at least that. haha it doesn't sound like much but believe me it was! I was able to convince him to come back and hang out at Amanda's for a little while. we went back and had another beer and watched some "Arrested Development" (funny show). I walked him to the elevator after a little while and about 20 min later, went back into Amanda's and collapsed onto the fouton with a HUGE smile on my face.
The next morning, we got up and rushed me over to the bus station where I was able to catch the last bus back to the Cape. Being on the bus more no less than 5 min. and I realized that I need to live in NYC as SOON as possible. Got back to the Cape about two hours after I anticipated, along with the bus bringing me to the wrong stop in Hyannis. Sure enough my phone was dead and I was flipping out about how I was supposed to get in contact with my family to come pick me up. Some random taxi driver offered me his phone where I was then able to call my sister and have her come to the other stop. A taco bell/KFC trip later, I was back to my parents house and about ready to pass out but just couldn't for possible fear that the trip/date would have all just been a dream. Getting a text from Graham asking if I got home alright made me realize that it was no dream at all. :-) Watching the Glee episode I had missed the previous night on DVR, they were at Nationals in where else but..... NYC. lol Of course.
I need to get my butt back to New York City as soon as possible and move there if I don't get my next audition. There's this Recreation Program recital comming up where I've been asked to be a guest artist and perform a little "Hip Hop" solo. FUNNY cause I'm not a Hip Hop dancer. I'm a Contemporary/ Broadway Jazz dancer. I'm dancing to "Blow" by Ke$ha and today I showed what I have so far to the main director who seemed to love it. I need to get to a studio and practice though. You can only dance in your living room for so long before you realize that you need more space to do it full out.
Well now you're caught up. New York is where I need to be, and thankfully I'll be back there in about a month, and for more than one reason. :-D Not just to try and make a career for myself, but for a very special someone that has now entered my life. :-D Hasta for now and remember...
"Do what you do!!!" ~my catch phrase.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Are you ready for me "World?" Because I'm ready for YOU!
OKEY DOKEY THEN!
So two weeks ago today, I graduated from College.
HOLD ON! WAIT A SECOND! WHAT!?!?!?
Yes, wow, I can't believe that I finally graduated! I'm all done with school! WEIRD! I will never forget Dean College and all of the wonderful people I met there! (Seniors '11 WHAT!?, Theater Geeks! <3) It just doesn't even seem real. I had a plan to come home for the summer and work and make some money before going and possibly moving to Boston in the Fall, HOWEVER, life happens when you're making plans. For some reason I have a feeling in my gut that I'm not gonna be on Cape Cod all summer. Something tells me that I'm gonna go to an audition, get the job and be off to God only knows where. Speaking of which, I'm going to New York City tomorrow. A friend of mine also just graduated from college and is having a party on the roof of her building so that should be a BLAST. Also on Tuesday, there is an audition for Disney Cruise Lines that I will be attending. I'm a little nervous, considering I haven't really danced in 3 weeks!!! AHHH. Although, it's not like I'm out of shape or anything. I went and signed up for a $10 a month membership at my local "Planet Fitness." It's great! I see a TON of people I know from growing up in the area. I wonder if they recognize me...? Ok, so I'm going off topic!
I was also recently asked by my family friends daughters dance teacher if I would do a Hip Hop/Street Jazz solo in their "recital" at the end of the month! I figured WHY NOT!? It's an opportunity to dance (reguardless of the style ((don't even get me started)) and also the show is at a theater that I auditioned to do some of their Summer Stock productions. One of the girls performing that night, her mother is the head of that theater and I can maybe talk to her and see if they need anymore dancers for their show of "Footloose!!!" It's an Equity Show too!!! so I could start earning my Points!!!!! YAY!!!!! We'll see what happens though!! One thing at a time!! HAHA
Clearly I'm just really excited to be done with school and about to start the rest of my life!!! I went shopping already with some of the money I got at my graduation party (thanks guys!) and got some great audition outfits!! I also got my haircut today at the salon my mother works at. It looks great (I think)! I think that about covers everything for now... I will update again soon! I miss this outlet!
UNTIL THEN: As I always say, "Do what you do, because you might not have tomorrow to do it!"
Hasta :-)
So two weeks ago today, I graduated from College.
HOLD ON! WAIT A SECOND! WHAT!?!?!?
Yes, wow, I can't believe that I finally graduated! I'm all done with school! WEIRD! I will never forget Dean College and all of the wonderful people I met there! (Seniors '11 WHAT!?, Theater Geeks! <3) It just doesn't even seem real. I had a plan to come home for the summer and work and make some money before going and possibly moving to Boston in the Fall, HOWEVER, life happens when you're making plans. For some reason I have a feeling in my gut that I'm not gonna be on Cape Cod all summer. Something tells me that I'm gonna go to an audition, get the job and be off to God only knows where. Speaking of which, I'm going to New York City tomorrow. A friend of mine also just graduated from college and is having a party on the roof of her building so that should be a BLAST. Also on Tuesday, there is an audition for Disney Cruise Lines that I will be attending. I'm a little nervous, considering I haven't really danced in 3 weeks!!! AHHH. Although, it's not like I'm out of shape or anything. I went and signed up for a $10 a month membership at my local "Planet Fitness." It's great! I see a TON of people I know from growing up in the area. I wonder if they recognize me...? Ok, so I'm going off topic!
I was also recently asked by my family friends daughters dance teacher if I would do a Hip Hop/Street Jazz solo in their "recital" at the end of the month! I figured WHY NOT!? It's an opportunity to dance (reguardless of the style ((don't even get me started)) and also the show is at a theater that I auditioned to do some of their Summer Stock productions. One of the girls performing that night, her mother is the head of that theater and I can maybe talk to her and see if they need anymore dancers for their show of "Footloose!!!" It's an Equity Show too!!! so I could start earning my Points!!!!! YAY!!!!! We'll see what happens though!! One thing at a time!! HAHA
Clearly I'm just really excited to be done with school and about to start the rest of my life!!! I went shopping already with some of the money I got at my graduation party (thanks guys!) and got some great audition outfits!! I also got my haircut today at the salon my mother works at. It looks great (I think)! I think that about covers everything for now... I will update again soon! I miss this outlet!
UNTIL THEN: As I always say, "Do what you do, because you might not have tomorrow to do it!"
Hasta :-)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Smile and the world smiles with you :-D
OK so my last post was a little on the sassy side. However I feel that everything I said needed to be said! Some people just don't know when to stop. Life is too short to hold grudges and be angry or upset or even feel hate! It's SOOOO not worth it.
ANYWHODLE,
Life if CRAZY busy right now and will be until May 7th!! (graduation) 24 days! I can't believe it! These four years have seriously FLOWN by. This morning I went to breakfast with two amazingly beautiful young women before our Modern dance class. I was early to the class for the first time..... EVER! haha I was awake and energized and had a great class! Doing some laundry and waiting for Ballet class which... we'll see how that goes. My hip is VERY sore and I'm nervous that it's going to be difficult to do almost anything. After Ballet I have Musical Theater Ensemble where I have a very strong feeling that we're going to be singing/dancing to the song "One" from A Chorus Line yet AGAIN. We've been working on this one number since January and we only just finished it! whatever though it's one class that I actually look forward to going to, mostly because of one person in the class that I've had a crush on since last September. I recently told him how I feel about him.... and the next day he broke up with his boyfriend. Not FOR me, but because they were going to be ending anyways. He hasn't really been the same after they broke up though. Any time I've seen him recently he looks up with a distraught look on his face and keeps walking without saying anything. Today, however I saw him and waved and he actually waved back with a little smirk. It's not much but it almost made my day. I hate seeing not just him but anyone upset or sad. It's such a draining emotion that we all really could just do without no matter how inhuman that would be. Like I said above, Life is just too short to feel those feelings.
It's so true! Anybody can have a bad day, but it's up to each of us to make the decision of how we will let the day end. I heard once that if you go and find a mirror and no matter how miserable you are feeling, if you smile at yourself you will immediately feel better. BOY is that true. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. As a dance major, I work my muscles enough and could use a break, so smiles here I come!!!
Today is sunny and is almost 60 degrees. It's finally getting warm out. I've really just had such an awesome morning, and have the mindset to have a such a great day that I want everyone to be as happy as I am right now.
ANYWHODLE,
Life if CRAZY busy right now and will be until May 7th!! (graduation) 24 days! I can't believe it! These four years have seriously FLOWN by. This morning I went to breakfast with two amazingly beautiful young women before our Modern dance class. I was early to the class for the first time..... EVER! haha I was awake and energized and had a great class! Doing some laundry and waiting for Ballet class which... we'll see how that goes. My hip is VERY sore and I'm nervous that it's going to be difficult to do almost anything. After Ballet I have Musical Theater Ensemble where I have a very strong feeling that we're going to be singing/dancing to the song "One" from A Chorus Line yet AGAIN. We've been working on this one number since January and we only just finished it! whatever though it's one class that I actually look forward to going to, mostly because of one person in the class that I've had a crush on since last September. I recently told him how I feel about him.... and the next day he broke up with his boyfriend. Not FOR me, but because they were going to be ending anyways. He hasn't really been the same after they broke up though. Any time I've seen him recently he looks up with a distraught look on his face and keeps walking without saying anything. Today, however I saw him and waved and he actually waved back with a little smirk. It's not much but it almost made my day. I hate seeing not just him but anyone upset or sad. It's such a draining emotion that we all really could just do without no matter how inhuman that would be. Like I said above, Life is just too short to feel those feelings.
It's so true! Anybody can have a bad day, but it's up to each of us to make the decision of how we will let the day end. I heard once that if you go and find a mirror and no matter how miserable you are feeling, if you smile at yourself you will immediately feel better. BOY is that true. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. As a dance major, I work my muscles enough and could use a break, so smiles here I come!!!
Today is sunny and is almost 60 degrees. It's finally getting warm out. I've really just had such an awesome morning, and have the mindset to have a such a great day that I want everyone to be as happy as I am right now.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Back Again...with some SASS
Okey dokey,
So I know that I haven't posted in a LONG time however I've been VERY busy between being in the spring musical of "The Producers" at school and also being in the dance company and TRYING to attend those rehearsals. AND THEN two different friends asked me to be in their dances for a class that they are in so I've had their rehearsals to go to after everybody elses rehearsals/shows. Then on top of that I've had to do homework and study for tests and write papers and prepare for graduation in a month... UGH my life!
BUT let's be real, I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel like I need a HARDCORE nap and then I could go back to work and do what I have to do. However that is beyond unrealistic and won't happen so I just need to suck it up.
On another note, there are people in my life that I'm am literally counting down the days until I never HAVE to see them again. Personally, I feel that if you don't like someone, FINE that's your choice. However, if you don't like them, why bring them up constantly and talk shit about them and call them names. If you don't like them you don't have to like them, but keep your big fat fucking mouth SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm personally sick of hearing it. I'm not perfect and I've definately said things about people that I regret and that I shouldn't have said. But I realize that what I've said in the past isn't OK either and don't want to hear negative thoughts from people because those thoughts put me in a bad place that I want nothing to do with. It sucks the life and energy out of me. Considering that I barely have enough energy to do what I need to do anyways, Negativitey is beyond UNNEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!! All I have to say to these people (mostly actually one person in general who shall remain nameless) is, "Thank You." I say thank you to this person because if it hadn't been for them and having to deal with all of their evil, bitchy, negative comments and actions, I wouldn't have the thick skin that I do. So thanks, and I hope karma hits you hard. ;-)
That being said I'm gonna sign off for tonight. Hopefully I will write again soon to continue my life updates! :-)
So I know that I haven't posted in a LONG time however I've been VERY busy between being in the spring musical of "The Producers" at school and also being in the dance company and TRYING to attend those rehearsals. AND THEN two different friends asked me to be in their dances for a class that they are in so I've had their rehearsals to go to after everybody elses rehearsals/shows. Then on top of that I've had to do homework and study for tests and write papers and prepare for graduation in a month... UGH my life!
BUT let's be real, I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel like I need a HARDCORE nap and then I could go back to work and do what I have to do. However that is beyond unrealistic and won't happen so I just need to suck it up.
On another note, there are people in my life that I'm am literally counting down the days until I never HAVE to see them again. Personally, I feel that if you don't like someone, FINE that's your choice. However, if you don't like them, why bring them up constantly and talk shit about them and call them names. If you don't like them you don't have to like them, but keep your big fat fucking mouth SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm personally sick of hearing it. I'm not perfect and I've definately said things about people that I regret and that I shouldn't have said. But I realize that what I've said in the past isn't OK either and don't want to hear negative thoughts from people because those thoughts put me in a bad place that I want nothing to do with. It sucks the life and energy out of me. Considering that I barely have enough energy to do what I need to do anyways, Negativitey is beyond UNNEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!! All I have to say to these people (mostly actually one person in general who shall remain nameless) is, "Thank You." I say thank you to this person because if it hadn't been for them and having to deal with all of their evil, bitchy, negative comments and actions, I wouldn't have the thick skin that I do. So thanks, and I hope karma hits you hard. ;-)
That being said I'm gonna sign off for tonight. Hopefully I will write again soon to continue my life updates! :-)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Astonishing
I truley am just feeling very emotional. Not sad. But happy and beyond greatful of everything and everyone that are a part of my life. It's astonishing how something so minor as a little picture and listening to beautifully orchestrated music can change everything.
I just have to say that I love all of my friends. My roommates are my family. My biological family display so much love that it makes me always know that they are there for me, no matter what happens in my life. Everything that can make me upset or angry, just seems so unimportant and petty. I'm feeling so much love right now. How queer! hahahaha I think that should be all for today. I suggest listening to the OBC of Little Women. It's beautiful and inspirational!!!
:-) <3
I just have to say that I love all of my friends. My roommates are my family. My biological family display so much love that it makes me always know that they are there for me, no matter what happens in my life. Everything that can make me upset or angry, just seems so unimportant and petty. I'm feeling so much love right now. How queer! hahahaha I think that should be all for today. I suggest listening to the OBC of Little Women. It's beautiful and inspirational!!!
:-) <3
Monday, February 14, 2011
Love Your Self Before You Love Another
So Valentines day just happened. And for the first time since my sophomore year of High school, I had a date tonight. Only difference was that my sophomore year of High school was with a girl... haha! It was just dessert and a drink but it was great. He's really sweet, and VERY cute! He's also a couple years younger than me but that really doesn't seem to matter. We just are enjoying each others company while it lasts. It makes me very happy.
The terrible thing however, is that no matter who I meet, or date, or become intimate in any way with, I always compare them to one person. I was on Tumblr earlier and I came across a picture of a sunset with words written on it. The words were the poem from "10 Things I Hate About You" and as I read it, I realized that that poem fits my life rather well...
Pretty, RIGHT!?
But it still sucks. I wonder if I'll ever be over that one guy... And I wonder that someday, if I realize I AM over that one guy, how I'll feel about that. That being said, it leaves me with a question. "Do you ever stop loving your first love?"
Beyond these silly emotions that get me all upset, I actually had a great time tonight. I'm definitely not ready for a relationship with anyone yet, considering that I'm still working on loving myself and all of my flaws. But until then, if "you" read this, Thank You for a wonderful evening.
I posted on my facebook today this status. "
Friday, February 11, 2011
I Thank and Love You
Sometimes in our lives, little moments of inspiration and sentimentality sneak up on us and make us cry. This is one of those times for me. I was in a choreographers showcase performance a week ago today as I had stated in a previous blog, where I performed a dance with my friend, Jamie, that she and I choreographed together. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and to this day has left me beyond inspired. I cannot believe that I'm going to graduate college in a couple months. That thought is just mind blowing to me. The saying goes that, "College is the best time of your life." and my GOD is that true! I have met some of the most incredible people that have changed my life for ever. I have made Friends that I will have for the rest of my life. Enemies that if I never see again, I'm perfectly OK with. I've also completly found myself and my sexuality. I am a proud gay man. I'm not a huge fan of lables so I will rephrase that. I have no shame by anymeans admitting that I'm attracted sexually to other men. The "Gay" label comes with a stigma of being effeminate and flamboyant, neither of which are adjectives to describe me... I hope at least. I am attracted to masculine men. I met a guy here at school that I fell in love with. I mentioned him in my last post. He is a big part of my life, weither he is aware of it or not. I fell in love with him and was my first love. He was also my experience of first unrecipricated love. :-( But because of the rejection of those feelings, I have one of the best friends a guy could ask for.
College has changed me, not for the better, no for the worst. It just has. I am who I am today because I went to college. I realize that it's only February 11, but I'm just so excited and scared and nervous and anxious and filled with WAY too many emotions about where my life can go. There are endless possibilities. I will meet SO many more people that will change my life.
Therefore, if you are reading this and I don't know you, I love the possibility of meeting you someday.
If you are readin this and I DO know you, Thank you for having been apart of my thus far, be it whatever kind of relationship we had. It is because of you, that I am who and what I am. I thank and love you.
Falling in love with myself has begun. <3 (-:
College has changed me, not for the better, no for the worst. It just has. I am who I am today because I went to college. I realize that it's only February 11, but I'm just so excited and scared and nervous and anxious and filled with WAY too many emotions about where my life can go. There are endless possibilities. I will meet SO many more people that will change my life.
Therefore, if you are reading this and I don't know you, I love the possibility of meeting you someday.
If you are readin this and I DO know you, Thank you for having been apart of my thus far, be it whatever kind of relationship we had. It is because of you, that I am who and what I am. I thank and love you.
Falling in love with myself has begun. <3 (-:
Thursday, February 10, 2011
things to do...
So BASICALLY I've been youtubing all day long and I found this video! I cried. This is truly stunning. It really sums up the relationship I had with someone. He and I are just friends now, and I prefer it that way. But for a long time this is exactly what was going through my mind.
Gay relationships- my topic of the day
I'm currently working on a piece with a friend of mine that is about old feelings involving that relationship I talked about above. It's basically will be saying that even though I will always have feelings for this person, I'm ready to move on. To be perfectly honest, cause I can be on here (it is after all only a blog), I'm not over him, and I probably never will be. So this dance that I'm working on is supposed to be the statement that I'm ready to move on, and hopefully I will be able to convince myself of that by the end of the process.
I really want to show the relationship as a strong and masculine thing, not feminine and stereotypical. More on this topic at a later date (probably tomorrow haha) I just don't have the attention span for this right now.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Misdirection can lead to Peace
So yesterday, I woke up to realize that I have an extremly bad headcold.
I thank whatever diety above, (so as not to offend anyone) for allowing me to be placed into this weakend fragile state. I thank them because it is a reminder that nothing is forever. Sickness and disease is one of the many obstacles in our lives that inhibit us from reaching our goals and following our dreams. It can stop one in their tracks and refuse them the allowance of continuing on in their journey of perpetual self discovery.
I hate being sick.
I hate sitting out and abandoning opportunties.
I hate missing out on the world.
And yet, that's the only way of achieving good health...
There has been an occurance in my life that I cannot seem to overcome. Whenever I think of this existance, my heart breaks, over and over. Perhaps it is because of my weakend and emotionally fragile state of being, but it has been on my mind incessantly. I have been sitting out, of classes/ not attending them, in the hopes of healing my body. However given these times of non-movement, I have been allowed more time of thinking...UH OH!
In just a few short months, as I have stated in previous posts/ my info, I will be graduating College and beginning my life. I will be meeting new people and developing new relationships. I will have different lovers (human and personified), and express myself to different opportunities. Not better, not worse, but different.
With as much love and beauty in the world, there is an equal ammount of sadness and misery. We must take the good and the bad and live properly. Accept that there is a downside to every hill of accomplishments but that at the bottom of that hill there is further space to explore and travel. Eventually, a new hill will present itself and we must climb it and see the beauty and disaster that bares at its peak.
I realize that I'm kind of talking out of my A$$ but i'm enjoying this form of expression. It's a liberating experience to allow my mind to roam and survey the letter keys of my computer and let them create the images within with words. I don't really know what I'm talking about as I have already said. But I'm not really writing this as any other means than as my new form of expression and therapy, so let the words keep comming. Even if they don't stay on track of anything specific. My brain feels better already... now to get my body to feel the same...
Ready for a glass of Orange Juice and some Vitamins.... (not really, but we must do what it takes to remain in good health.)
I thank whatever diety above, (so as not to offend anyone) for allowing me to be placed into this weakend fragile state. I thank them because it is a reminder that nothing is forever. Sickness and disease is one of the many obstacles in our lives that inhibit us from reaching our goals and following our dreams. It can stop one in their tracks and refuse them the allowance of continuing on in their journey of perpetual self discovery.
I hate being sick.
I hate sitting out and abandoning opportunties.
I hate missing out on the world.
And yet, that's the only way of achieving good health...
There has been an occurance in my life that I cannot seem to overcome. Whenever I think of this existance, my heart breaks, over and over. Perhaps it is because of my weakend and emotionally fragile state of being, but it has been on my mind incessantly. I have been sitting out, of classes/ not attending them, in the hopes of healing my body. However given these times of non-movement, I have been allowed more time of thinking...UH OH!
In just a few short months, as I have stated in previous posts/ my info, I will be graduating College and beginning my life. I will be meeting new people and developing new relationships. I will have different lovers (human and personified), and express myself to different opportunities. Not better, not worse, but different.
With as much love and beauty in the world, there is an equal ammount of sadness and misery. We must take the good and the bad and live properly. Accept that there is a downside to every hill of accomplishments but that at the bottom of that hill there is further space to explore and travel. Eventually, a new hill will present itself and we must climb it and see the beauty and disaster that bares at its peak.
I realize that I'm kind of talking out of my A$$ but i'm enjoying this form of expression. It's a liberating experience to allow my mind to roam and survey the letter keys of my computer and let them create the images within with words. I don't really know what I'm talking about as I have already said. But I'm not really writing this as any other means than as my new form of expression and therapy, so let the words keep comming. Even if they don't stay on track of anything specific. My brain feels better already... now to get my body to feel the same...
Ready for a glass of Orange Juice and some Vitamins.... (not really, but we must do what it takes to remain in good health.)
Monday, February 7, 2011
TranscenDANCE to a new day....
So this is my second blog and I'm actually really loving this!!!!
This past weekend, Mark Kanemura, Ellenor Scott, Maria Lopes, and Jaquale Knight came and were guest judges at the Showcase performance where I performed a duet that my friend Jamie and I choreographed together. Then after the show, we got to meet with them in a private reception and talk to them and receive their feed back. They told me that they LOVED our piece. I could have cried. The next day, they each taught an hour long master class, and had a talk back with the entire group of dancers that signed up. I got my picture taken with each of them and felt like I was 8 again in Disney World.
Taking their classes was truly the reminder I needed as to why I wanted to be a dance major. Their energy and strength, and just everything about the classes truly inspired me to become better than I already am. It reminded me that I need to step up and constantly perform. Especially if that's the career that I want to be a part of and have.
I had that conversation with many of my fellow dancers and they all agreed with me. Dance has such power over me. When I dance and have the opportunity to perform, I lose myself. Its one of the reasons actors act, or painters paint, or singers sing. I can take the choreography into my heart and dance from my soul and ust become trancended into another world, far far away from all of my problems here on earth. It reminds me that arguments, and fights and all these things that we think are so important, are just petty. There is no need for it.
I've been so inspired to just be and cannot wait to get out into the real world and do what I love, everyday for the rest of my life. So bring on today, so I can enjoy it and get to my next transcend-anced moment
May you walk proudly, step softly, and always follow the voice of your heart- Anon.
This past weekend, Mark Kanemura, Ellenor Scott, Maria Lopes, and Jaquale Knight came and were guest judges at the Showcase performance where I performed a duet that my friend Jamie and I choreographed together. Then after the show, we got to meet with them in a private reception and talk to them and receive their feed back. They told me that they LOVED our piece. I could have cried. The next day, they each taught an hour long master class, and had a talk back with the entire group of dancers that signed up. I got my picture taken with each of them and felt like I was 8 again in Disney World.
Taking their classes was truly the reminder I needed as to why I wanted to be a dance major. Their energy and strength, and just everything about the classes truly inspired me to become better than I already am. It reminded me that I need to step up and constantly perform. Especially if that's the career that I want to be a part of and have.
I had that conversation with many of my fellow dancers and they all agreed with me. Dance has such power over me. When I dance and have the opportunity to perform, I lose myself. Its one of the reasons actors act, or painters paint, or singers sing. I can take the choreography into my heart and dance from my soul and ust become trancended into another world, far far away from all of my problems here on earth. It reminds me that arguments, and fights and all these things that we think are so important, are just petty. There is no need for it.
I've been so inspired to just be and cannot wait to get out into the real world and do what I love, everyday for the rest of my life. So bring on today, so I can enjoy it and get to my next transcend-anced moment
May you walk proudly, step softly, and always follow the voice of your heart- Anon.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Learning to Love Myself...
There has been so much on my mind lately. I'm not quite sure where to begin.
I'll start with this...
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are just not good enough? That nobody out there actually cares about you, or how you're feeling? I do. Almost on a daily basis actually. I'm not suicidal or depressed or anything, so anybody that is reading this, need not to call the authorities! I'm fine.
I know that I have my family and I do truly love them, but sometimes, they are just not enough or what I need. I want that one person to find me and be there for me, day and night. To make it always known that they want me around. I understand that there probably are people out there that are like that and are already in my life, but sometimes, I could honestly use the reminder.
I'm not looking for attention from anyone by saying this. I'm just saying that sometimes, I feel like I'm completly alone in the world. I now understand that I'm the only person that will be there for me. I am alone. It's an ongoing process that I'm still working on. I mean, I'm only 21 years old. I'm in my final year of college receiving my bachelor of arts degree in dance, and am about to begin my adult life in a few short months, where I honestly will be by myself. There won't be someone holding my hand, telling me that it's alright, that I am talented, and that I need to not give up. The only person that can do that for me, is me. Just saying that and actually believing it are two entirely different things however.
I've given up the opportunity of love from another person so many times, mostly, i think, because I still don't love myself. I've been emmotionally hurt numerous times, almost to the point that I want to just give up, and yet I don't. There is still something pushing me forward. I'm uncomfortable in my skin still. Although people that know me in everyday life, don't know that. I've been putting on a "face" for far too long now. I want to be ready to give into what and who I truly am. Now I just need to look even deeper into my inner thoughts and find that guy within.
I'll start with this...
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are just not good enough? That nobody out there actually cares about you, or how you're feeling? I do. Almost on a daily basis actually. I'm not suicidal or depressed or anything, so anybody that is reading this, need not to call the authorities! I'm fine.
I know that I have my family and I do truly love them, but sometimes, they are just not enough or what I need. I want that one person to find me and be there for me, day and night. To make it always known that they want me around. I understand that there probably are people out there that are like that and are already in my life, but sometimes, I could honestly use the reminder.
I'm not looking for attention from anyone by saying this. I'm just saying that sometimes, I feel like I'm completly alone in the world. I now understand that I'm the only person that will be there for me. I am alone. It's an ongoing process that I'm still working on. I mean, I'm only 21 years old. I'm in my final year of college receiving my bachelor of arts degree in dance, and am about to begin my adult life in a few short months, where I honestly will be by myself. There won't be someone holding my hand, telling me that it's alright, that I am talented, and that I need to not give up. The only person that can do that for me, is me. Just saying that and actually believing it are two entirely different things however.
I've given up the opportunity of love from another person so many times, mostly, i think, because I still don't love myself. I've been emmotionally hurt numerous times, almost to the point that I want to just give up, and yet I don't. There is still something pushing me forward. I'm uncomfortable in my skin still. Although people that know me in everyday life, don't know that. I've been putting on a "face" for far too long now. I want to be ready to give into what and who I truly am. Now I just need to look even deeper into my inner thoughts and find that guy within.
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