There has been so much on my mind lately. I'm not quite sure where to begin.
I'll start with this...
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are just not good enough? That nobody out there actually cares about you, or how you're feeling? I do. Almost on a daily basis actually. I'm not suicidal or depressed or anything, so anybody that is reading this, need not to call the authorities! I'm fine.
I know that I have my family and I do truly love them, but sometimes, they are just not enough or what I need. I want that one person to find me and be there for me, day and night. To make it always known that they want me around. I understand that there probably are people out there that are like that and are already in my life, but sometimes, I could honestly use the reminder.
I'm not looking for attention from anyone by saying this. I'm just saying that sometimes, I feel like I'm completly alone in the world. I now understand that I'm the only person that will be there for me. I am alone. It's an ongoing process that I'm still working on. I mean, I'm only 21 years old. I'm in my final year of college receiving my bachelor of arts degree in dance, and am about to begin my adult life in a few short months, where I honestly will be by myself. There won't be someone holding my hand, telling me that it's alright, that I am talented, and that I need to not give up. The only person that can do that for me, is me. Just saying that and actually believing it are two entirely different things however.
I've given up the opportunity of love from another person so many times, mostly, i think, because I still don't love myself. I've been emmotionally hurt numerous times, almost to the point that I want to just give up, and yet I don't. There is still something pushing me forward. I'm uncomfortable in my skin still. Although people that know me in everyday life, don't know that. I've been putting on a "face" for far too long now. I want to be ready to give into what and who I truly am. Now I just need to look even deeper into my inner thoughts and find that guy within.
Darling, you are definitely onto something. While I can spend forever telling you that there are innumerable quantities of people that care about you and your success (myself included of course) there is also only one person that will physically and mentally always be there for you. Something I learned around the same time you are now.
ReplyDeleteWhen you fall asleep and begin to dream, you are with yourself.
When you close your eyes and think about the future, you are with yourself.
When you make a decision or take a risk, ultimately you are with yourself.
You are the strongest column in the building blocks of your own life. You are Atlas, carrying the world you create on your shoulders.
You have to cherish yourself and learn to love yourself with a boundless love and respect. Learn who you are alone and be happy with that. Once you are collected as you, you'll find someone just as great. Not because you deserve that special someone but because that special someone deserves you.
Good luck. Stay strong. Be well.