New York, New York, it's a wonderful town!!!!!

Okey dokey....

So I just went to NYC and have come to the realization that that's where I need to be. Just walking around in the city, going to auditions, amazing restaurants, etc... It just felt like home. It felt so right.

I left Cape Cod on Sunday morning and caught the Peter Pan bus in Hyannis. My mother had just given me Water For Elephants to read (it's seriously amazing btw! I recommend to all!!!) So i jammed to some music blasting from my iPod in my head and read the whole way down. Upon arrival, my friend Amanda picked me up and we went back to her apartment on Waverly Place (favorite Disney show) where I was to stay for a couple nights and drop my bags off. We also changed and headed for Brooklyn for our friend Julie's graduation party. The party was a lot of fun filled with good food, a LOT of Sangria and Mojitos, and some pretty awesome people that I can now claim as my friends. There was also a guy that I was introduced to named Graham. (can we say Cute!?!? I think so!) He and I were pretty much inseparable for a MAJORITY of the night. I'll leave it at that. HAHA! ANYWHODLE.... the end of the night rolled around and we were saying our goodbyes to our lovely hosts (Julie and her bf Bobby) and when I turned around I saw Graham in the elevator and the door close. I got kind of upset thinking that I wasn't gonna see him again (ilogically) and that I also never got to say goodbye. A few min. later we left, and once outside I texted Julie, BEGGING for his number, upon which I received no response. We got back to Amanda's apartment and full on CRASHED!!!

The next  morning, while Amanda and I were trying to figure out what to do for the day, I received a facebook message on my phone from Graham saying that he was sorry he left without saying goodbye and wanted to know when I was leaving so we could meet up and he could do it in person. AHHH!!!!!!! :-) Me, being beyond excited, came to the conclusion that I was gonna stay and extra night and leave on Wednesday instead and  gave him that information along with my number in my response. He the texted me a few hours later from work and asked me if I would wanna grab dinner with him Tuesday night. umm.....DUH!!! Who knew that I would go to New York for a party and an audition and also get a date!? NOT ME! The rest of the day consisted of a lunch and dinner date with Amanda where we then went back to her place and watched Center Stage before bed. So inspirational. haha

Tuesday came and I had a dance audition for Disney Cruise Lines. I was there early and ran into some friends from Dean. When we were called, I went in and kicked the shit out of the SIMPLE ballet combo they gave us. Was DEF. one of, if not the best guy in there. And then they called the names of the people they were gonna keep for the call back. My name wasn't on the list..... hmmmm......did I temporarily go deaf? Nope. Looking at some of the guys that they did keep (who were TERRIBLE btw) their faces, and hair, and bodies, and EVERYTHING about them just screamed DISNEY. I was unaware that Prince Eric actually existed. Whatever, I clearly just didn't have what they were looking for this time around. We were then told that there are auditions in a month (June 23) for the Disney Holiday Dancers at the Disney Parks. That being said, see you in a month NYC!

After the audition, I went and got some coffee at starbucks with the girls from school I ran into. Good times. Then headed back to Amanda's where we then played dress-up for my date. Graham called and said he was on his way. He picked me up and we had a beer with Amanda before we left. We then went to a bar and he bought me a couple of beers. After a lot of talking, ;-) we went to grab some food from this vegitarian resautrant with Fallafel. I'm a carnivor and really love my meat. I tried as hard as I could to eat the salad and got pretty far, however, I totaly was proving how much I like him by doing at least that. haha it doesn't sound like much but believe me it was! I was able to convince him to come back and hang out at Amanda's for a little while. we went back and had another beer and watched some "Arrested Development" (funny show). I walked him to the elevator after a little while and about 20 min later, went back into Amanda's and collapsed onto the fouton with a HUGE smile on my face.

The next morning, we got up and rushed me over to the bus station where I was able to catch the last bus back to the Cape. Being on the bus more no less than 5 min. and I realized that I need to live in NYC as SOON as possible. Got back to the Cape about two hours after I anticipated, along with the bus bringing me to the wrong stop in Hyannis. Sure enough my phone was dead and I was flipping out about how I was supposed to get in contact with my family to come pick me up. Some random taxi driver offered me his phone where I was then able to call my sister and have her come to the other stop. A taco bell/KFC trip later, I was back to my parents house and about ready to pass out but just couldn't for possible fear that the trip/date would have all just been a dream. Getting a text from Graham asking if I got home alright made me realize that it was no dream at all. :-) Watching the Glee episode I had missed the previous night on DVR, they were at Nationals in where else but..... NYC. lol Of course.

I need to get my butt back to New York City as soon as possible and move there if I don't get my next audition. There's this Recreation Program recital comming up where I've been asked to be a guest artist and perform a little "Hip Hop" solo. FUNNY cause I'm not a Hip Hop dancer. I'm a Contemporary/ Broadway Jazz dancer. I'm dancing to "Blow" by Ke$ha and today I showed what I have so far to the main director who seemed to love it. I need to get to a studio and practice though. You can only dance in your living room for so long before you realize that you need more space to do it full out.

Well now you're caught up. New York is where I need to be, and thankfully I'll be back there in about a month, and for more than one reason. :-D Not just to try and make a career for myself, but for a very special someone that has now entered my life. :-D Hasta for now and remember...

"Do what you do!!!" ~my catch phrase.

Are you ready for me "World?" Because I'm ready for YOU!

OKEY DOKEY THEN!

So two weeks ago today, I graduated from College.

HOLD ON! WAIT A SECOND! WHAT!?!?!?

Yes, wow, I can't believe that I finally graduated! I'm all done with school! WEIRD! I will never forget Dean College and all of the wonderful people I met there! (Seniors '11 WHAT!?, Theater Geeks! <3) It just doesn't even seem real. I had a plan to come home for the summer and work and make some money before going and possibly moving to Boston in the Fall, HOWEVER, life happens when you're making plans. For some reason I have a feeling in my gut that I'm not gonna be on Cape Cod all summer. Something tells me that I'm gonna go to an audition, get the job and be off to God only knows where. Speaking of which, I'm going to New York City tomorrow. A friend of mine also just graduated from college and is having a party on the roof of her building so that should be a BLAST. Also on Tuesday, there is an audition for Disney Cruise Lines that I will be attending. I'm a little nervous, considering I haven't really danced in 3 weeks!!! AHHH. Although, it's not like I'm out of shape or anything. I went and signed up for a $10 a month membership at my local "Planet Fitness." It's great! I see a TON of people I know from growing up in the area. I wonder if they recognize me...? Ok, so I'm going off topic!

I was also recently asked by my family friends daughters dance teacher if I would do a Hip Hop/Street Jazz solo in their "recital" at the end of the month! I figured WHY NOT!? It's an opportunity to dance (reguardless of the style ((don't even get me started)) and also the show is at a theater that I auditioned to do some of their Summer Stock productions. One of the girls performing that night, her mother is the head of that theater and I can maybe talk to her and see if they need anymore dancers for their show of "Footloose!!!" It's an Equity Show too!!! so I could start earning my Points!!!!! YAY!!!!! We'll see what happens though!! One thing at a time!! HAHA

Clearly I'm just really excited to be done with school and about to start the rest of my life!!! I went shopping already with some of the money I got at my graduation party (thanks guys!) and got some great audition outfits!! I also got my haircut today at the salon my mother works at. It looks great (I think)! I think that about covers everything for now... I will update again soon! I miss this outlet!

UNTIL THEN: As I always say, "Do what you do, because you might not have tomorrow to do it!"
Hasta :-)

Smile and the world smiles with you :-D

OK so my last post was a little on the sassy side. However I feel that everything I said needed to be said! Some people just don't know when to stop. Life is too short to hold grudges and be angry or upset or even feel hate! It's SOOOO not worth it.

ANYWHODLE,

Life if CRAZY busy right now and will be until May 7th!! (graduation) 24 days! I can't believe it! These four years have seriously FLOWN by. This morning I went to breakfast with two amazingly beautiful young women before our Modern dance class. I was early to the class for the first time..... EVER! haha I was awake and energized and had a great class! Doing some laundry and waiting for Ballet class which... we'll see how that goes. My hip is VERY sore and I'm nervous that it's going to be difficult to do almost anything. After Ballet I have Musical Theater Ensemble where I have a very strong feeling that we're going to be singing/dancing to the song "One" from A Chorus Line yet AGAIN. We've been working on this one number since January and we only just finished it! whatever though it's one class that I actually look forward to going to, mostly because of one person in the class that I've had a crush on since last September. I recently told him how I feel about him.... and the next day he broke up with his boyfriend. Not FOR me, but because they were going to be ending anyways. He hasn't really been the same after they broke up though. Any time I've seen him recently he looks up with a distraught look on his face and keeps walking without saying anything. Today, however I saw him and waved and he actually waved back with a little smirk. It's not much but it almost made my day. I hate seeing not just him but anyone upset or sad. It's such a draining emotion that we all really could just do without no matter how inhuman that would be. Like I said above, Life is just too short to feel those feelings.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson

It's so true! Anybody can have a bad day, but it's up to each of us to make the decision of how we will let the day end. I heard once that if you go and find a mirror and no matter how miserable you are feeling, if you smile at yourself you will immediately feel better. BOY is that true. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. As a dance major, I work my muscles enough and could use a break, so smiles here I come!!!

Today is sunny and is almost 60 degrees. It's finally getting warm out. I've really just had such an awesome morning, and have the mindset to have a such a great day that I want everyone to be as happy as I am right now.

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
Anonymous

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

HOW CAN YOU NOT SMILE AND FEEL INSPIRED AFTER THOSE!?!?!??!? :-D

Back Again...with some SASS

Okey dokey,

So I know that I haven't posted in a LONG time however I've been VERY busy between being in the spring musical of "The Producers" at school and also being in the dance company and TRYING to attend those rehearsals. AND THEN two different friends asked me to be in their dances for a class that they are in so I've had their rehearsals to go to after everybody elses rehearsals/shows. Then on top of that I've had to do homework and study for tests and write papers and prepare for graduation in a month... UGH my life!

BUT let's be real, I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel like I need a HARDCORE nap and then I could go back to work and do what I have to do. However that is beyond unrealistic and won't happen so I just need to suck it up.

On another note, there are people in my life that I'm am literally counting down the days until I never HAVE to see them again. Personally, I feel that if you don't like someone, FINE that's your choice. However, if you don't like them, why bring them up constantly and talk shit about them and call them names. If you don't like them you don't have to like them, but keep your big fat fucking mouth SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm personally sick of hearing it. I'm not perfect and I've definately said things about people that I regret and that I shouldn't have said. But I realize that what I've said in the past isn't OK either and don't want to hear negative thoughts from people because those thoughts put me in a bad place that I want nothing to do with. It sucks the life and energy out of me. Considering that I barely have enough energy to do what I need to do anyways, Negativitey is beyond UNNEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!! All I have to say to these people (mostly actually one person in general who shall remain nameless) is, "Thank You." I say thank you to this person because if it hadn't been for them and having to deal with all of their evil, bitchy, negative comments and actions, I wouldn't have the thick skin that I do. So thanks, and I hope karma hits you hard. ;-)

That being said I'm gonna sign off for tonight. Hopefully I will write again soon to continue my life updates! :-)

Astonishing

Life happens! Live with no regrets, don't feel bad when things don't go your way, because sometimes they weren't meant to be. Be happy with what you have and the people that are apart of your life. Nothing is forever so enjoy and love every minuet you have. It's the only life we get so live it up!! ♥

I'm listening to the soundtrack of the Original Broadway Cast of "Little Women" with my roommate, Chelsea, and I'm just feeling very content with my life.

I was supposed to have rehearsal for a piece that I'm choreographing, however, the guy who was gonna be the lead hurt his knee and most of the ensemble girls aren't available. I was initially angry however I was on a photoblog and saw a picture that changed my outlook of the rest of the day.



I truley am just feeling very emotional. Not sad. But happy and beyond greatful of everything and everyone that are a part of my life. It's astonishing how something so minor as a little picture and listening to beautifully orchestrated music can change everything.

I just have to say that I love all of my friends. My roommates are my family. My biological family display so much love that it makes me always know that they are there for me, no matter what happens in  my life. Everything that can make me upset or angry, just seems so unimportant and petty. I'm feeling so much love right now. How queer! hahahaha  I think that should be all for today. I suggest listening to the OBC of Little Women. It's beautiful and inspirational!!!

:-) <3

Love Your Self Before You Love Another

So Valentines day just happened. And for the first time since my sophomore year of High school, I had a date tonight. Only difference was that my sophomore year of High school was with a girl... haha! It was just dessert and a drink but it was great. He's really sweet, and VERY cute! He's also a couple years younger than me but that really doesn't seem to matter. We just are enjoying each others company while it lasts. It makes me very happy.

The terrible thing however, is that no matter who I meet, or date, or become intimate in any way with, I always compare them to one person. I was on Tumblr earlier and I came across a picture of a sunset with words written on it. The words were the poem from "10 Things I Hate About You" and as I read it, I realized that that poem fits my life rather well...

Pretty, RIGHT!?

But it still sucks. I wonder if I'll ever be over that one guy... And I wonder that someday, if I realize I AM over that one guy, how I'll feel about that. That being said, it leaves me with a question. "Do you ever stop loving your first love?"

Beyond these silly emotions that get me all upset, I actually had a great time tonight. I'm definitely not ready for a relationship with anyone yet, considering that I'm still working on loving myself and all of my flaws. But until then, if "you" read this, Thank You for a wonderful evening.

I posted on my facebook today this status. "Loving another cannot happen until you love yourself. So to all the single people out there, You are your own valentine today so feel the love. To the Couples, Enjoy the fact that you have eachother and don't ever take that love for granted. happy valentines day everyone! ♥♥♥" I do in fact believe it, now to follow my own advice and see where it takes me.

That's all for tonight, my brain can't function enough to write any more. These two scenteces ALONE took about 10 min. HAHA

I Thank and Love You

Sometimes in our lives, little moments of inspiration and sentimentality sneak up on us and make us cry. This is one of those times for me. I was in a choreographers showcase performance a week ago today as I had stated in a previous blog, where I performed a dance with my friend, Jamie, that she and I choreographed together. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and to this day has left me beyond inspired. I cannot believe that I'm going to graduate college in a couple months. That thought is just mind blowing to me. The saying goes that, "College is the best time of your life." and my GOD is that true! I have met some of the most incredible people that have changed my life for ever. I have made Friends that I will have for the rest of my life. Enemies that if I never see again, I'm perfectly OK with. I've also completly found myself and my sexuality. I am a proud gay man. I'm not a huge fan of lables so I will rephrase that. I have no shame by anymeans admitting that I'm attracted sexually to other men. The "Gay" label comes with a stigma of being effeminate and flamboyant, neither of which are adjectives to describe me... I hope at least. I am attracted to masculine men. I met a guy here at school that I fell in love with. I mentioned him in my last post. He is a big part of my life, weither he is aware of it or not. I fell in love with him and was my first love. He was also my experience of first unrecipricated love. :-( But because of the rejection of those feelings, I have one of the best friends a guy could ask for.

College has changed me, not for the better, no for the worst. It just has. I am who I am today because I went to college. I realize that it's only February 11, but I'm just so excited and scared and nervous and anxious and filled with WAY too many emotions about where my life can go. There are endless possibilities. I will meet SO many more people that will change my life.

Therefore, if you are reading this and I don't know you, I love the possibility of meeting you someday.
If you are readin this and I DO know you, Thank you for having been apart of my thus far, be it whatever kind of relationship we had. It is because of you, that I am who and what I am. I thank and love you.

Falling in love with myself has begun. <3 (-: